


don't let me be gone

by narumitsu



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Back to Earth, Character Study, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, Post-Season/Series 06, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, broganes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-06-05 19:20:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15177560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/narumitsu/pseuds/narumitsu
Summary: He knew then, the Black Lion wasn't going to let him in. Their connection was gone, and Shiro couldn't believe it was possible. Keith was now her sole paladin, as if she'd forgotten that Shiro had ever formed a bond with her.Shiro wanted to stay strong, to calmly walk out of the room and fake a smile so his friends would believe he was okay. Instead he could only drop to his knees in front of the Black Lion’s barrier.He wished he could feel happy.---A post-s6 study of how I think Shiro would feel if he no longer had a connection to the Black Lion, with Broganes coming in toward the end of it. Don't worry, it's not all sad!





	don't let me be gone

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably overdramatic but hey, don't blame me, blame the show writers! I wrote it because of a recent interview where Lauren Montgomery & Joaquim dos Santos claimed that Shiro has lost his link with the Black Lion and is a retired paladin. I hope they're lying because I'd give anything for this fic to end up canon divergent.

The paladins were back on earth temporarily, and for now, they had landed at the Holt household to ask Sam for help repairing the castle-ship. The lions were parked anywhere they could fit onto the small plot of land, and everyone else was doing something to relax, but there was no way Shiro could. He had a question he needed answered more than anything, and he could only get that from the lion he used to pilot.

Shiro opened the door to the garage where the Black Lion sat and approached her with a hesitant fear. He had died and somehow been revived, his body and mind being merged with that of a clone. He still wasn't sure if he saw _himself_ as the same person anymore, so how could Black? But they'd also been through so much... she'd kept him alive...

Even still, there was a force field surrounding her and keeping him out, signifying that he wasn't allowed in. When he held his hand against the barrier, there was no response.

"Aww, come on, Black," Shiro urged, "Open up."

He even tried knocking, as silly as he thought it sounded. "You remember me, don't you? It's me, Shiro, I'm your--"

He stopped. It took him a minute to process it, but when he realized his suspicions were correct he felt like he'd just been stabbed in the heart.

"I--I _was_ your paladin," he said just above a whisper.

He knew then, the Black Lion wasn't going to let him in. Their connection was gone, and Shiro couldn't believe it was possible. Keith was now her sole paladin, as if she'd forgotten that Shiro had ever formed a bond with her.

Shiro wanted to stay strong, to calmly walk out of the room and fake a smile so his friends would believe he was okay. Instead he could only drop to his knees in front of the Black Lion’s barrier.

He wished he could feel happy. Watching the paladins from the astral plane, Shiro had seen Allura adjust to joining them, and Lance adjust to being put in a new lion, and how both of them had gotten so much stronger for it. He had seen Keith grow into the confident leader he knew his brother could become. He was immensely proud and wanted to be glad that things could stay the same for them, but...

In spite of what Shiro wanted, there was just nothing he could do to stop the voices that played back in his head. They were stuck repeating familiar words he now knew to be true.

_Do you think the Black Lion would allow such a feeble creature to pilot it?_

Zarkon had asked Shiro this once, and he had replied that it’s not about power, it’s about earning each other’s trust. And now... now he had let himself get killed, and he had lost Black’s trust, and he felt so, so powerless.

_Do you really think a monster like you could be a Voltron paladin?_

Shiro never knew if that was really Sendak speaking or if it had only been in his head, but either way it was the truth. He was damaged and dangerous and caused so much trouble because of his weakness, of course he couldn’t truly be a paladin. He should’ve known better, should’ve realized that anything he built would someday shatter.

_Monster. Feeble._

_Powerless. Dangerous._

The words echoed over and over and Shiro couldn’t help but listen to them. And he hated himself for it. Because he was Takashi Shirogane, he was supposed to be calm and brave for his team’s sake, he was the man who was once their leader--

_You can never lead Voltron again! You're no paladin!_

His head kept pounding. It wasn’t just the words of others, but Shiro’s own words that haunted him. Words he’d told to Zarkon, he could now apply to himself: he couldn’t lead Voltron again. He wasn’t a paladin. He was broken, void of his place on the team.

Logically, Shiro knew his friends would never agree with him about any of this. He knew Keith and Matt and Allura and everyone else well enough to know that they would tell him that it wasn’t his fault, that he’d done all he could, that he didn’t need to be a paladin to be worth something. He knew that they cared about him no matter what, but emotionally he wasn’t in a place where he could believe it.

The worst part was that he didn’t know what he’d do with himself now. The others would tell him to just get some rest, but he didn’t want to--no, it was more than that. Staying alone with nothing important to focus on except his own thoughts? That was what he’d already been forced to do in the astral plane while he was _dead_. Doing it permanently instead of being able to stay active and throw himself into something he loved sounded like an absolute nightmare to him, and he’d already been through too many nightmares to count.

And yes, Shiro loved being a paladin. The Black Paladin. The leader of Voltron. Because it was fun, and it was fulfilling, and it made him feel motivated and needed and _alive_ and--

And even though the room itself was completely quiet, Shiro’s thoughts screamed so loudly that he didn’t even know he was crying until hearing another person’s voice brought him to reality.

“Shiro?”

Shiro went immediately silent. He hated when Keith saw him like this, had never intended on letting him see him like this, not again, but there he was in the doorway now.

“Shiro, we’ve all been looking for you. What are you...”

Initially, Keith only processed that Shiro was there. Then he noticed him kneeling down and facing the floor, with his hand on his head, and a barrier around the Black Lion, and it all made sense.

At first, all Keith could do as he approached Shiro was whisper “oh no”. He had never expected this.

“Keith!” Shiro exclaimed, his voice shaking. “It’s nothing, don’t worry about me, I was just--“

“Hey,” Keith said, kneeling beside Shiro and putting a hand on his shoulder. “Shiro, listen to me.”

“Keith, you don’t have to--“

“Comfort you? I know,” he said softly, “but I’m doing it anyway. You’re my brother, and I’m gonna be here for you.”

Shiro didn’t--no, _couldn’t_ , say anything back. He found that he was frozen in place and his thoughts had come to a halt.

“Shiro, can you... can you move? Can you look at me?” Keith asked.

Shiro managed to move his arm away from his head and to his side, but that was all he could do at the moment.

“Listen, you don’t have to pretend everything is okay when it isn't. But you can get through this,” Keith told him. “You’re Takashi Shirogane. You're the bravest person I know.”

“But I... I’m not...brave, I...”

“You _are_ ,” Keith insisted, his own voice beginning to break. “You literally died and still came back from it. If you can live through that, I’m pretty sure you can do anything.”

"I just... feel so useless right now."

"You're not useless, you know you're not. I wouldn't be here without you."

For the next few minutes, both of them just sat there without saying anything. Keith continued resting one hand on Shiro's shoulder and wrapped the other arm around him. 

He had done this for his brother plenty of times before, but it never got any easier. Keith never wanted to see Shiro this way, and Shiro never wanted Keith to see him, but they both knew by now that Keith couldn't just leave Shiro to do this alone.

"Keith..." Shiro's voice was still a whisper, but he finally managed to look back at him. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, you don't need to apologize. You didn't do anything wrong."

"But I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now. If the Black Lion doesn't want me, then I--"

"You can bond with her again," Keith said. "I'm sure you can."

"But--"

"But then there'll be six paladins and five lions again, right?"

Shiro nodded.

"It doesn't matter. We'll figure it out-- _you'll_ figure it out, because no matter who's piloting what lion you're still our leader, okay?"

"Thank you, Keith," Shiro said, pulling him into a hug. "I love you, little bro."

"Love you too..." he replied. "Now, come on, Hunk and Allura made food and I know you're hungry."

"Heh. Bet they made a mess of Colleen's kitchen."

"Yup, it's a huge mess. I think we're all gonna have to work together to clean it up."

"Then I sure am glad you helped get me out of this one first."

Shiro smiled, and he felt for the first time in ages that, as long as his family was beside him, maybe he really could do anything. At the very least, he'd be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> side note: the title of this came from the song goner by twenty one pilots! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEFjfxHk7Y0 PLEASE watch this amazing shiro amv that's set to it


End file.
